The Best of the Brainless

Photo originally posted by Alex Proimos.

During my working life, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve become known for my inane comments.  I’m great at what I do and for the most part I’m the epitome of professionalism.

But there are times where my brain is working too fast and I don’t stop to think.  Or I get excited and forget to think.  Or I’m tired and forget to think.  Or I forget to think because my brain has given up and left me to defend for myself.

Whatever the reason, these are my best brainless moments.  To be fair, the first one wasn’t said at work, but it’s maybe the most brainless thing I’ve said to date, close second to ‘what date is Christmas?’

1.  “How long do I have to cook 2 minute noodles for?”

2.  On the phone at work:  “Do you mind if I put you on hold?”
The other person, all professional:  “No, but I’m answering phones today, so if you’re on hold  when you come back, I’m taking another call.”
Me, friendly:  “That’s fine, we can take turns holding each other.”
Shit.  That came out wrong.  There’s no way to recover, just laugh.  “Heh.  Heh.”
The other person, unimpressed.  “… Yes…”

3.  Answering an inquiry:  “So, when that person is transported, will they be transported from one place to another?”
(At which point I heard my colleague snort behind me and then a snort from down the phone line.)

4.  Reassuring a person:  “That’s been fixed, you can now rest in peace.”
(Another snort behind me.)  I meant ‘rest easy’ but what probably makes this worse is that I work in a medical field and the person was elderly.  Thank god they had a sense of humour, after they recovered from their surprise.

I’m still employed, despite accidentally sexually harassing someone with suggestions of holding them, probably because I astounded someone with undeniable logic and being kind and thoughtful by giving someone premature blessings for their future death. (How often do you get to wish someone RIP to their face while they’re still breathing?)

I’ve also so far resisted the urge to shout ‘Surprise!’ when I pick up the phone to answer the call of someone waiting longer than average in the call queue.

I haven’t resisted the urge to do this at work:

bunny 2

Or build a cardboard box cubicle around my desk.  All these things take only a few seconds of nonproductive time (depending on who you ask) and more often than not cheers someone else up.

I like my job, I can even find satisfaction in it, but I think when you have a repetitive job, you do the best that you can do to keep yourself sane.  Those little brainless moments?  They become priceless moments out of an entire day of the same old-same old.

I’m happy (?) to report that I’ve told more than one person to rest in peace before giving up and choosing another expression entirely.

I’m also happy to report that Mr Bunny is doing well and he now has a bunny friend to race.

All’s well that ends well.

I think.


8 thoughts on “The Best of the Brainless

  1. I only seem to open my mouth to change feet. At work two management types were speaking with a client about how every time a woman fills a certain position within the company, she ends up going on maternity leave 10 or 12 months later by saying “we think the chair is making them pregnant”. I walked over and chimed in “I’m just staff but I think it has something to do with either the management meetings or their ‘motivational retreats’!”

    Somehow, I still have a job.


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