Smut!

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This is Ginger’s natural state.  Upside down.

This chubby orange-utan is Ginger, the food whore who goes from house to house eating all the food he can.  I don’t know who owns him, I don’t know where he came from except that he suddenly appeared one day and he likes being airlifted to his food.  He’s un-desexed and he has the fluffiest, gingerest testicles in the world, like two little cottonballs attached to his backside.  If there was a contest on the cutest testicles, Ginger would win.  He knows this too, because he keeps his bushy tail down lest someone be blinded, or lest there be a blackmarket in fluffy ginger testicles.

Anyway, testicles aside, this is a quick post to say hi.

It was pouring down earlier when I went outside.  It was pitch black and stormy and the first thing I saw was my cat Oscar.  Then a noticed that a light was following him around.  My first thought was sniper.  I wasn’t sure why my cat would have a sniper, but it made sense in the first few seconds that I thought of it.  Then, when I realised that wasn’t logical – or realistic – my next thought was “Oscar has a torch?”

No, he doesn’t have a torch, but my neighbour does.  He said he was out looking for his cat, but the way he had his torch trained on Oscar makes me think that he was stalking him.  My neighbour disappeared with his cat, who had been sitting casually behind him while he was waving his torch around at Oscar, and Oscar is safe for another night.  My neighbour can’t be a cat testicle trafficker, because Oscar doesn’t have any, so the only logical conclusion is that my neighbour has some sort of fetish for stalking cats on dark rainy nights.  Or maybe on any night.  Who knows.  Oscar likes to wander and there’s plenty of bushes to lurk in.

So that’s it, my cat doesn’t have a torch – or a sniper – and I’ve used the word ‘testicles’ more times today than I planned.  Because you know, these are things that you plan.

6:00 am – wake up
6:15 am – eat breakfast
6.40 am – contemplate using the word testicle once at some point during the day.  Because more than once is just ludicrous.  It would be smut I tell you.  Smut!

I will have some new posts up next weekend and I promise the content will be better.  Ish.

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