I’ve missed receiving scam emails, so I was excited to find one in my spam folder. Keep them coming! I dream of a day when the scammer actually replies to my email and if that happens, you’ll be the first to know.
Now to the third installment of Scammer Emails…
|Subject: DID YOU AUTHORIZE MRS. LOUISA H. DANIEL TO TAKE POSSESSION OF YOUR FUND?|
|Date: Tue, 11 Aug 2015 21:00:34 +0800|
> You are to contact Ms. Jenny Sui with the email information below as
> soon as possible for your remittance of 9 . 5 M I L L I O N U S D.
> Please complete i n f o r m a t i o n once again.
> 1 F u l l N a m e:
> 2 A d d r e s s:
> 3 O c c u p a t i o n:
> 4 A g e:
> 5 S e x:
> 6 N a t i o n a l i t y:
> 7 Co u n t r y o f r e s i d e n c e:
> 8 M o b i l e N u m b e r:
> S e n d T o —Email: email@example.com
> Confirm your receipt of this mail without delay…..
> Yours Faithfully,
> Ms. Jenny Sui
|From:||PHF Blog (firstname.lastname@example.org)|
|Sent:||Monday, 24 August 2015 10:21:32 PM|
My name is Mr Charles B Boudoirsmut of 69 Stiff Upper Lip Drive, London. I write to you today to thank Mrs Louisa H Daniel for her kindness in the matter of the 9.5 million USD as I do not expect to live for much longer.
It is of the utmost importance for my affairs to put into order before my passing. I have been advised that your establishment has professionals who are efficient with dealing with the estates of People of Esteem such as myself and I believe that as I have received this email from you, you such a person.
I wish to have my affairs organised with discretion. As you can imagine, it has been a most trialing time with my Dorothy and should the authorities get involved… I fear the worst. Dorothy is a conniving little cow, however I made a promise to my late wife that she would be provided for, and a gentleman must always stand by his word.
It is my belief that Mrs Louisa H Daniel, who I myself do not know but a friend assured me she was to be trusted, will act as executor upon my demise. It will be soon, I’m afraid, as I detected cyanide in my whiskey last night and Dorothy was nowhere to be found. I can always tell when she’s spiked my drinks, as she disappears very quickly and it takes me hours to find her again.
Only last week a heavy Grecian urn “fell” from one of the upper balconies of my grand manor and almost knocked me out. I was lucky that I caught movement reflected in the window of my Rolls Royce, so I was able to escape with my life once again.
But as you can imagine, it gets tiring watching out for your own life and I am ninety three years of age and not as alert as I once was. The days are gone when I could hunt ducks while on horseback making love to my mistresses all the while playing croquet with one hand (incidentally it was I who invented polo), now sadly I’m lucky if I can shoot the butler when he dresses up as a duck.
Of course, things changed dramatically when Dorothy became part of household. From day one she was always watching me, always trying to trip me up and always demanding my time, food, money and yes, even my love. My dear late wife always suspected I had a soft spot for her, but of course I didn’t let on she was right.
Oh yes, I would stoke her and say sweet things to her when nobody was around and always for a minute she made me believe she returned my feelings. It doesn’t matter how many times she ran away, she always came back demanding more love and more attention and at times she would tremble under my hands and vibrate like a society queen on smelling salts.
However times change and we all grow old, as I am now ninety six, Dorothy too has aged. Nobody would want her now and in these last few years, ever since my dear wife died, she has changed for the worst.
Last night I was unfortunate enough to have fallen asleep in the bath, as I am ninety one and not as alert as I used to be. I was awoken to an almighty kerfuffle and discovered that the radio had almost fallen into the water with me. Of course I immediately retired from the bath and to my chamber only to find that the cow had emptied the vases upon the floor and I almost broke my neck.
One must stick to ones word, and before I continue to rant any further – I am ninety nine after all and should be allowed to muse on occasion – it is with a heavy heart that I now bequeath my estate as follows:
My manor and boathouse and the sum of 9.5 Million USD with Mrs Louisa H Daniel as warden and executor, is to go to Dorothy P Boudoirsmut. This amount is to be for the upkeep of the manor and boathouse and the remaining is solely for Dorothy to go towards:
1. Food and necessities
2. Grooming to keep the scroungy old thing less ugly
3. New scratching posts as required
4. Fluffy catnip toys as required
5. Vet bills
6. Kitty litter
I believe I have done my duty and covered all that is necessary, for the sake of my dear wife.
You will forgive me, but I must take leave. It is past suppertime and Dorothy is meowing at the door of my study. I believe I heard her sharpening her claws earlier on and I might be mistaken, but they sounded very much like knives.
I trust this is in your capable hands. You will be the first to be informed of my demise.
Mr Charles B Boudoirsmut
69 Stiff Upper Lip Drive, London