This post is to introduce my foray into the world of hipster instagram, where plates of food are fair game and you’ll look like an idiot if you DON’T paparazzi that bowl of spaghetti for at least 10 minutes before everyone can finally eat.

I visited Nelson Bay last weekend and there were two men and a woman in their 20s on the beach.  One had a selfie stick.  He was the Chosen Holder of Selfie Stick because he didn’t let the other two touch it even once.  Any shot requiring The Stick and he was there.  They spent over an hour coming up with all kinds of creative and awe inspiring poses (which I may or may not have been mocking) that will definitely make them the Most Liked Wankers on Facebook – while in the meantime completely oblivious to the fact that right behind them, not one, but two utes had gotten bogged in the sand while trying to load their boats.  Their utes had almost become boats.

You could tell shit was getting serious when one of the men trying to help actually put is beer down in the sand.  Let that sink in for a minute:

Uncapped.  In. The. Sand.

While trying to dig out utes.

I was a good Samaritan and kept my eye on the beer, but a half hour into the rescue mission and I realised I’d failed and it had disappeared.  Mostly because I’d been busy trying to watch the Selfie Stick Team, Ute Rescue and Beer Well-Being all at the same time.

So, long story short, my wanker Instagram is @herepusspusspuss and I can’t guarantee it won’t go as dead as my Twitter.

Also, I’m dead.  This is actually a haunting. Whoo-oooooo.

Fade out.


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